The parents of the boy, a freshman engineering student, were also calm, but their primary objective seemed to be to make sure that whatever happened did not compro-mise their son's future. A marriage was never really considered; they were in favor of adoption. At least medi-cal bills were not a major concern; though I had been laid off, my insurance continued in force at a small cost, and it would cover my daughter's medical bills, likely to amount to several thousand dollars, albeit not those of the child.
So at the end of the semester my daughter came home. She quickly ruled out abortion on religious grounds. The idea of adoption was appealing, but we were somewhat put off by the totality of the rupture between birth mother and child imposed by the state welfare department. They chose the new family, and the fate of the child would be utterly unknown to us. One day Linda commented that she wished we could find an adoptive family in a distant location who were well educated, already had one child (so that the baby would not be an only child), loved animals, were of her religion, well off financially, with a nice home; and in which the mother was a stay-at-home mom. Two days later my brother in Arkansas, an attorney, phoned to report that his wife knew someone with a friend whose baby girl had died unexpectedly the year before. The grieving mother was unable to have any more children. The family wanted very much to adopt: would we be interested in talking to them about adoption? We received a long letter describing the family in great detail. Their profile corresponded point for point to our wish list for an adoptive family. It was truly uncanny. Linda and I both knew instantly that here was our solution.
The baby was a blond blue-eyed boy weighing 3.5 kilos. We held him twice and decided we had better not be with him any more lest we change our minds. Our lawyer presented the proper legal papers and physically removed the baby from the hospital before turning him over to his new parents. The adoptive family sent Linda a big bouquet of flowers with a card "from your Arkansas family". Two weeks later the adoptive father phoned to tell me that he had that day put the first funds in the bank for the baby's college education. My daughter returned to university to get her degree, met her "Mr Right", married and had four more children.
Some 22 years later I was in Arkansas visiting my lawyer brother before returning to China to teach for another year. My sister-in-law telephoned the adoptive family and asked if they were interested in meeting me. The next day I received an excited phone call from that "baby": Could he come over for a visit?
When Bryan and his adoptive mother arrived the next day, we spent two hours sharing photos and stories and exchanging e-mail addresses. His parents had always made it clear to him that he was adopted; indeed, how else to explain pale skin, flaxen hair and blue eyes in a family of dark-haired olive-skinned descendants of southern Italians?
Bryan had become an extraordinary young was an Eagle Scout at the age of 13, Arkansas's youngest ever. (The Boy Scouts are a character-building organization, and few boys rise to the top level; to become an Eagle Scout is like receiving a grand testimonial to one's virtue and versatility.) He had been a football star in high school. After attending Brigham Young University for one year, he had served a two-year stint as a representative of his church in South Korea. Now he was preparing to return to university. I told his mother that I believed we had made the right decision 22 years earlier; the next day she called to say how much the comment meant to her.
As it happened, Linda's eldest daughter would also be a sophomore at BYU that fall, and her next eldest daughter would be at the branch campus in Idaho. I told him that his half-siblings were unaware of his existence; Linda subsequently decided to tell her children about Bryan. They were surprised and curious to find out what their new brother was like. The two girls were quick to set up a rendezvous with their tall, fair-haired, blue-eyed half-brother on the BYU campus in Utah, but birth mother and son have yet to meet.
母親的心情記錄：女兒未婚懷孕以後
那天，我剛剛從稅務局辦完了個人所得稅的審計，那地方誰都認爲就像是在牙科醫生的椅子上那麼難熬。審計進行得挺順利，而我總算鬆了一口氣。爲了慶賀我便買了一支冰淇淋坐到車裏，開始讀大女兒琳達寄來的信，她當時是大一的學生。“親愛的媽媽，”信是這樣開頭的，“我知道，當你獲知自己要成爲外祖母時一定會非常吃驚。”琳達20歲，還沒有結婚。我的第一反應就是：“這不行！我自己是一個沒有工作的離了婚的中年婦女，我再也不想多撫養孩子了！”家裏還有一個6歲和12歲的孩子，我一人撫養孩子可是不容易，特別是只靠那點兒有限的收入。然而，在我仔細考慮了女兒當前的感受之後，我給她打了電話，建議她上完這學期的課之後回家，我們會想出解決問題的辦法。
那個男孩是工程系大一的學生，他的父母也十分冷靜，但他們的基本想法似乎是不管事情怎樣，都要確保不能影響他們兒子的前途。結婚從未被他們認真考慮過，他們想讓我女兒做流產。至少醫療費不是大問題；雖說我下崗了，但我的醫療保險還有效，只需交很少的保險費，這項保險也包括我女兒的醫藥費，總數約幾千美元，但不包括嬰兒所需的費用。
到了期末，女兒回來了。出於宗教上的原因，她很快就排除了做流產的選擇。找人領養是個值得考慮的主意。但是想到我們州的福利機構辦理的領養使孩子與生身母親之間處於徹底隔絕的狀態，我們又不太願意這樣做。福利機構會爲孩子選擇一個新的家庭，而孩子的命運對我們來說將一無所知。一天，琳達說道，她希望我們能在離家比較遠的地方找一個領養孩子的家庭：這個家庭要受過良好的教育，已經有了一個孩子(這樣嬰兒就不會是家中孤獨的獨生子)，而且喜愛動物，與自己有同樣的宗教信仰，經濟上寬裕，有一個溫馨的家庭，在這個家裏母親不外出工作。兩天後，我的在阿肯色州當律師的哥哥打來電話，說他妻子認識的一個人的朋友，頭年生下的女嬰出人意料地夭折了，而悲傷的母親不能再生孩子，這個家庭特別想領養一個孩子--他問我們是否有意和這家談談領養的事？我們收到了一封長信，信中詳細介紹了這個家庭，他們的情況與我們所希望的領養家庭哪兒哪兒都合適。這可真是不可思議。琳達和我立刻就意識到這是我們尋求的解決辦法。
生下的嬰兒是個金髮碧眼的男孩，重3.5公斤，我們抱了他兩次，之後決定最好還是不見他，免得我們會改變讓人領養他的決定。我們的律師提供了正當的法律文件，在把嬰兒交給他的新父母之前把孩子從醫院接了出去。領養家庭給琳達送來了一大束鮮花，上面有一個卡片寫着“這束鮮花是你在阿肯色州的家送給你的”。兩週後，領養父親打來電話，告訴我他已在那天往銀行裏存入了爲孩子上大學的第一筆錢。我女兒則重新回到大學完成她的學位，並且遇到了適合做她丈夫的人，兩人結了婚有了四個孩子。
22年之後，在回中國準備繼續任教一年之前，我去阿肯色州看當律師的哥哥。我嫂子給那個領養家庭打了電話，問他們想不想見見我。第二天，我收到興奮的“嬰兒”給我打來的電話--他問能否過來拜訪我？
第二天當布萊恩和他的養母到來的時候，我們用了兩個多小時一起看照片，講往事，並交換了電子郵件地址。他的父母老早就告訴他是個領養的孩子，是啊，要不然怎麼解釋一個黑頭髮、棕色皮膚的南部意大利人後裔的家庭會有一個白皮膚、黃頭髮、藍眼睛的孩子呢？
布萊恩已經長成了一個傑出青年，他在13歲就是老鷹童子軍的成員，是阿肯色州最年輕的(童子軍是塑造品德的組織，極個別的孩子能升到該組織的最高級，成爲老鷹童子軍成員就相當於在道德與多才多藝方面獲得了極高的獎勵)。他在中學時是校足球明星，在上了楊百翰大學一年後，他作爲他所在教會的代表到韓國服務了兩年，現在正準備回到學校繼續學習。我告訴他的養母，我相信22年前我們做出了正確決定，第二天她給我打電話，說這句話對她來說太重要了。
而此時，琳達的大女兒在秋季也將成爲楊百翰大學的新生，二女兒將上楊百翰大學在愛達荷州的分校。我告訴布萊恩，他的有一半血統的妹妹們還不知道他的存在呢。琳達於是決定告訴孩子們關於布萊恩的事。孩子們很是吃驚，也很好奇，想知道她們的新哥哥是什麼樣的人。兩個女孩很快就和金髮碧眼的高個子哥哥在猶他州的楊百翰大學定了見面的日子，但生母與兒子至今還沒相見。
I had just returned from an income tax audit with the Internal Revenue Service, which everyone agrees is as pleasant as a bad session in the dentist's chair. The audit had gone well, but I was relieved it was over. To celebrate I bought an ice cream cone and sat in my car to read a letter from my eldest daughter Linda, a college freshman. "Dear Mom," the letter began, "I know you will be shocked to learn that you are going to be a grandmother." She was 20 years old and unmarried. My initial response was, "This can't be happening! I'm a middle-aged jobless divorcee and I'm not going to raise any more kids!" I had a six- and a twelve-year-old at home. Raising children alone is not easy, especially on a limited income. However, after I reflected on how my daughter must be feeling, I telephoned her and suggested that she complete her semester and then come home. We would figure out what to do.The parents of the boy, a freshman engineering student, were also calm, but their primary objective seemed to be to make sure that whatever happened did not compro-mise their son's future. A marriage was never really considered; they were in favor of adoption. At least medi-cal bills were not a major concern; though I had been laid off, my insurance continued in force at a small cost, and it would cover my daughter's medical bills, likely to amount to several thousand dollars, albeit not those of the child.
So at the end of the semester my daughter came home. She quickly ruled out abortion on religious grounds. The idea of adoption was appealing, but we were somewhat put off by the totality of the rupture between birth mother and child imposed by the state welfare department. They chose the new family, and the fate of the child would be utterly unknown to us. One day Linda commented that she wished we could find an adoptive family in a distant location who were well educated, already had one child (so that the baby would not be an only child), loved animals, were of her religion, well off financially, with a nice home; and in which the mother was a stay-at-home mom. Two days later my brother in Arkansas, an attorney, phoned to report that his wife knew someone with a friend whose baby girl had died unexpectedly the year before. The grieving mother was unable to have any more children. The family wanted very much to adopt: would we be interested in talking to them about adoption? We received a long letter describing the family in great detail. Their profile corresponded point for point to our wish list for an adoptive family. It was truly uncanny. Linda and I both knew instantly that here was our solution.
The baby was a blond blue-eyed boy weighing 3.5 kilos. We held him twice and decided we had better not be with him any more lest we change our minds. Our lawyer presented the proper legal papers and physically removed the baby from the hospital before turning him over to his new parents. The adoptive family sent Linda a big bouquet of flowers with a card "from your Arkansas family". Two weeks later the adoptive father phoned to tell me that he had that day put the first funds in the bank for the baby's college education. My daughter returned to university to get her degree, met her "Mr Right", married and had four more children.
Some 22 years later I was in Arkansas visiting my lawyer brother before returning to China to teach for another year. My sister-in-law telephoned the adoptive family and asked if they were interested in meeting me. The next day I received an excited phone call from that "baby": Could he come over for a visit?
When Bryan and his adoptive mother arrived the next day, we spent two hours sharing photos and stories and exchanging e-mail addresses. His parents had always made it clear to him that he was adopted; indeed, how else to explain pale skin, flaxen hair and blue eyes in a family of dark-haired olive-skinned descendants of southern Italians?